epiphany

Post breakup was the most miserable time in my life. I was crying, hugging my pillow while listening to sad songs and thinking it was him and then cried even louder. I was wrecked, to the point that I thought I couldn't find my happiness anymore, that it was shattered to pieces which couldn't be reassembled. I needed YEARS to stand on my feet stronger than I was with my former guy. Nothing takes a second or an instant time when it comes to the broken ones. I let it be the worst like that for days, let it all out. My latest breakup was the most ridiculous breakup ever. I knew he was going to leave, I knew he looked for another one. However, I was still raging like a smashing Hulk falling from the construction building in my favorite movie. I wasn't literally falling from a building, but it described well enough about how furious I was, when the farewell happened. Was that a farewell? It needs a goodbye though if it was, but there wasn't any goodbye. There was only silence for months, after everything and all the things we've done, and then I just knew it was definitely an end. God is Good, He gave me a little thing that makes me keep going, even before that end came up to me. That was something I've never imagined which could bring out the most positive side of me, because I hated it the most before knowing it more deeply. I judged the edge before I dipped in to the deep. I gained my happiness in a pack of music. I said pack because it really has all of the things that make me happy. The lyrics that contain deep meaning in different languages, the people who work hard for the production that are inspiring, the togetherness and family-like that bring warmth into my soul, the melody that hypes the energy up, the backgrounds of the theme they're bringing, and the love to their listeners. This pack really makes me learn about many things. I learn a new language beside English, I read more books, I feel loved and happy, I don't think about breakups or any romantic relationship anymore. Most importantly, I learn to love myself, to know myself, and to speak my own voice. I love learning. See? God is Good. After all those miserable times, now I can read 한글, I can make sentences in different language other than English, I read more and more books! This little thing is now one of my sources of happiness. That breakup taught me something and give me a huge learning material for my better self. I found this precious and better version of me from you and the breakups, and I've never felt so grateful for someone who's broken my heart millions of times. Thank you for giving me a moment to be conscious that I am worth more than you are. 

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